A Stream of Consciousness Love Letter

Friendships can be complicated.  When a friendship ends, it is hard to see the other person getting on with their life.  It is like a break-up in that sense.  It is not as though you don't wish the other person well -- it is just that you also don't want to be reminded of the emotional Pandora's box; and although I love Facebook; it also makes it exponentially worse -- because you can see (through pictures, images, and comments by friends) that this person -- who used to be an important part of your life -- is moving on with theirs.  


In the last year I have lost a friendship with someone I thought would be a life-long friend.  I don't wish this person ill will, but any means; but I feel fragile and confused when reminders of this person pop back into my life.  


Is it a lack of closure that is tripping me up?  I am not sure -- but when I take stock of the last year (or even that last couple of years) I am so credibly proud of myself.  I have come a long way from the drama that plagued me in my early twenties.


More than anyone, I owe my emotional salvation to Mr. Eric Tengs.  He is my rock, my sounding board, and my source of strength.  Eric, I am so proud to be your wife and so thankful that you are my partner in life.


I am really trying to embrace a "no bullshit" outlook on life and friendships (thanks to a new friend); and I am incredibly grateful for the people in my life who love me for who I am (faults and all).  I love you all -- for the ways you challenge me, support me, and make me laugh.  






Hugs, Bex

The Perfect Weekend

What would your perfect weekend entail?
For me a perfect weekend is all about balance; specifically a balance between lazy, fun and productive. This last weekend was a good weekend -- complete with PLCs and a surprise party for Marissa. But, last weekend was really ideal.

First of all it was a three-day weekend. It was also the weekend after my birthday so I was feeling especially celebratory. Saturday included lunch plans with Team Howard and dinner plans with Teams Peterson-Cornelis and Beeston-Johnson following by drinks and dessert. This was the fun part. Then Sunday included recovering from the night before, laying around and reading "The Girl Who Played with Fire" on my new kindle. Monday was uber-productive -- errands, laundry, and catching up on a lot of work for the week ahead.

The challenge for me is to be able to fit those three things in during a normal two-day weekend ... and although I had fun (Marissa's party) and relaxed (12-hour recovery from Marissa's party) ... the PLCs I made on Saturday night prevented me from being particularly productive on Sunday (with the exception of a few hours) ... blarg.

What is your perfect weekend?

Photo Ops

Today was one of the rare days that I actually forgot my camera. To clarify, just because I have my camera at school does not mean that I remember to take pictures. But, today has been a day I wish I had my camera. If I did I would have tried to capture:

• A fourth grade girl trying to suck orange juice out of an orange (and the expression on her face when she stabbed the straw into the peel)
• Our class bunny using a copy of "Number the Stars" to prop himself up on (it truly looked like he was reading
• Two kids rocking out on our keyboard
• Four kids playing poker (is that allowed at school?)
• Sharing my banana with Shadow (bunny)
• A student hiding under my desk and then biting my knee.

Kids are weirdly great.

Classroom Community

Student: "It's like our classroom is like a game show"
Me: "Who is the host?"
Student: "Everyone".

Walking While Reading

Walking while reading is my new favorite activity.

Today my class and I went to visit the city library -- btw the librarian yelled at me:

Me [after observing my Peregrines getting restless]: "Peregrines -- outside!"
Librarian: "This is a library"
Me: "I know -- that's why I asked them to go outside"

I knew what she was implying -- that I was being too loud -- but if she wasn't going to be direct neither was I. Additionally, she is a librarian who fills me with rage as she clearly dislikes children and the presence of my class disrupting the dull "roar" of the average afternoon's patrons. Not impressed. Ah, but I digress ...

When we visit the library, the kids are so excited to read their "new" books that they often walk the few blocks back to school while trying to read ... a hilariously ineffective way to walk down the street ... but I can't help but smile.

As I was saying: walking while reading is my new favorite activity. Today after school, I walked 3 miles on the treadmill while reading 70 pages in "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". It is like a double dose of the two things I love to do but never seem to have time for -- reading and exercise.

The Roller Coaster

Before Eric and I left for Sunriver, I felt really proud of myself -- I had successfully transitioned from Winter Break back to school/work; and I even managed to work out three times that week -- swimming, walking, and biking -- per my 1/2 marathon training schedule. I then left my kids in the hands of a very capable sub and headed to Sunriver with Eric and some great friends.

That is where things kind of fell apart ... spending four days in a beautiful house, with various forms of alcohol freely and consistently flowing, as well as delicious meals prepared by the talented (and impeccably organized) Candi ... does not inspire productivity especially when you are prone to procrastination.

I had a wonderful time -- but, got completely off track. My goal of walking a total of 7 miles was quickly cast to the wayside as I alternated between napping and reading most afternoons. This also meant that I didn't get any work done (weekends are fairly critical in terms of grading, planning, and getting organized) and Monday bitch slapped me a bit. Two hours at the doctor's office on Tuesday left me further deflated as did the (still unconfirmed) IBS or "spastic colon" and the recommendation that I drink old people juice daily (aka Metamucil). Wednesday resulted in the destructive procrastination cycle. But, today ... today was different.

After a long day of work (and additional hour from my regular schedule due to After School Support) I went to the gym and walked 3 miles, watched the news, part of a Sex and the City episode and finished a book! A book! "When You Are Engulfed in Flames" by David Sedaris that made with laugh out loud as I was trucking along.

This week as been a roller coaster; but I hope to keep this new trend up! Game on.

Classroom Lunch

At the grade level I teach, lunch is always an adventure.
Today's dialogue:

"Becky, Shadow was about to eat my bagel" [Shadow is our class rabbit]
"Err, I hate you" [student talking to her bagel]
"Becky, Shadow licked by bagel and stepped on my pickles!"

I was curious. So today I took a survey:
How many fourth, fifth & sixth grade students make their own lunch?
15 out of 25 or 60%

and, what do they pack?
sandwich, jello, peanut butter ritz crackers, crackers, chips, pb&j, burrito, capri sun, lunch box, leftovers, burritos and chips, fruit gushers, granola bar.

oddly, students whose parents pack their lunches don't always make better choices ...
pizza rolls, sandwich, leftovers, sandwich, cookie, water, fig newton, bagel, apples, and bananas

Growing up, I have fond memories of Howard's cafeteria -- of steeling Pete's gloves or his keys, of students having anger fits and breaking cafeteria trays -- and of course the food -- greasy grilled cheese that you can nearly see through. Delicious.

What do you remember from your cafeteria days?

Gnome Garden

Today was our first day back from Winter Break -- and it was so enduring how much the kids missed each other and all the hugs that were shared. These darn kids sure pull at my heart strings!

We also have two new members of our classroom community -- Dav and Nickolai
(see photos).

On an unrelated note ... I swam again today ... 850 yards in 25 minutes. Tomorrow the official walk training begins; and thankfully Karen and Kaia will be joining Benson and I on our journey on Tuesdays ...

oh; and the heat is back on ... no more sleeping in a balaclava. Booyah.